A quiet day...a bit sad

We all trooped up to the farm this morning: Superhubby, Ben & Leyna the rottdogs, little Spuddy and moi. Bailarina came a pootling up to say hello to B& L as she hadn't met them before.

Ben was up for a game of tag - he still tries it with Safi, but she won't play any more - Little B was more than happy to give that wonderful Luso "I AM the boss" headshake at him and play for a few minutes showing off that wonderful trot - and a foot perfect half pass!! - But it was lovely to see her turn to Leyna who, as a rather stately and rotund old lady, doesn't really do games of tag any more and go to herd her then stop, give her a little nudge and a sniff and gently walk behind her...bless her!

Bally then proceeded to follow me round whilst I poo picked and then stood and had a lovely scratch..all good!

After lunch Aunty Louise (another crazy Luso lady lol) came over to meet Bailarina and....... we have another member of the fan club, she loved her! Very taken with how well she's matured and thought her lovely temperament was a real testament to a good upbringing :-) She said that Little B had come into my life at just the right time and was there to help me through the pain of the loss of Safi...if ever there was a little mare that loved having a hug and a scratch it was her and she'll help me through the heartbreak

Louise is a qualified Bowen therapist who's treated Safi many times over the last few years and she was coming over to see if she could make her a little more comfortable by giving her a treatment this afternoon....
Sadly Safi didn't want to be touched at all, made it quite clear that she wasn't going to be treated and even with very gentle massage she was tense and trying to move away - this is a horse that used to stand on the open yard and fall asleep during her Bowen therapy. Lou and I both ended up in tears because Safi was just saying no more. The only place she was happy for Lou to treat was her head - the one place on her body that she doesn't actually have a problem.
It made me so sad because I know I'm running out of time with her and it's hurting so much. It's odd little things like that and the fact that she is stripping the willow tree completely despite the heavy dose of painkillers, she still feels the need to self medicate so must be in pain still and I can't bear that. She is still interested in life though and oddly is being far more cuddly with me - which makes it even harder to bear
Lou was great though, sat me down and made me start talking about the hows and whens...
but after she'd had gone I just sat with Safi and cried and cried :-( No surprises I'm writing this and blubbering again.

Did my evening check on Bally and I think she sensed my sadness as she followed me around the field as I poo picked, never leaving my side, she was very gentle and let me have a good cry all over her too, then made me laugh as she tried to steal my laces...nearly pulled me off my feet, funny girl...bless her x