And two steps back....

Today was not a great day all told and I learnt a valuable lesson that I really should have known already - there is no rush, if it doesn't feel right walk away - there is always tomorrow!

Had to go to my vets this afternoon to pick up another box of Danilon and whilst I was there confirm my decision about Safi to Jane in the office so she could let Andre know ...she said that Andre had spoken about it and the general consensus was that we had both been through enough now - cue floods of tears (inconsolable sobbing in semi public places seems to be my forte at the minute) so I was not in a good frame of mind when I arrived at the yard

I'd already decided just to bring Bally in for a groom and put her back out, but the fates conspired against us for even that much. I went to the field and plonked myself down about a third of the way in - B was at the bottom nattering over the fence to Patch...but she broke off and pootled on up to see me - This really lifted my spirits as it was the first time she has approached me entirely on her own terms.

Popped her halter on and asked her to follow up to the gate..again we had hesitation, but very half hearted. At this point someone in the yard at the back of the industrial units started swinging a fork lift with long boards and flappy plastic on...all in view of the fields. Cue Little B having a rigid, quaking, eye popping panic attack (on the spot thank goodness) My friend Di was two paddocks up so I shouted over could she and her horse Prince give us a lead in...sure no problem.

Well whilst I was asking for little forward steps in the gateway I suddenly heard thundering hooves...Prince had taken fright at the bloody forklift behind the hedge pulled away from Di and was bearing down on us at a rapid rate of knots!!!! I'm holding B and he comes charging into our gateway - Poor little B is rooted to the spot at this and in that moment of shock I manage to grab him.
We all get ourselves sorted out and decide to go the back way into the yard...everyone on their toes and round the corner we walk slap bang into another forklift..Prince goes goes vertical and baby B literally craps herself

On tippy toes and with hearts going like the clappers I finally get her into her box and she's quivering all over poor little lamb...I'm feeling pretty much the same so I just turned her loose, sat at the back of the box..(on the scary hemcore!!) and watching her carefully I clicked for any remotely calm behaviour. She finally joined me on the bed after some door barging, mini rearing and what looked suspiciously like an attempt to eye up jumping put of the box and after snorting and furrowing the evil bedding about with her nose, scraping it up into a mountain and at last relaxing enough to give me some licking and chewing she topped it all off and had a big wee :-)

Happy with this sign of calm acceptance I popped her headcollar on (over the ears a la bridle) and took her back out via the big barn where she had to stand for five minutes whilst I had a chat with Di and Michelle (good girl, little fidgety, but always stepping back when asked)
We had a quick circuit of the school as we were passing which was utterly pointless as Bally didn't have enough focus on me...actually that's not fair -she did respond to me moving to a more driving body position at her quarters by giving me an amazing ooh la whoopee canter depart!! but her halts weren't as good today....not enough focus as she'd had way too much for a tired little brain to cope with.

Off back to the field and there was a bit of shying and a walking into the back of my heel moment, for which she got halted and moved back (I gave a very strong step / hip tilt and moved straight in front her in a block and purposeful forward stance to move her feet instead of the other way round!) Slightly chastened she walked nicely back to the paddock on a very loose lead - best so far...think she was tired though, it didn't feel "right" - through the gate and back round towards it so I could fasten it..which she did brilliantly, then headcollar off over her ears without shying or moving backwards and she stayed long enough for a little scratch before heading off to see her pals.

Reading back it wasn't so bad, but I do feel that I pushed her too far tonight...or inadvertantly gave her too much to cope with and I was definitely in the wrong frame of mind for teaching a baby...OK part of me says she's nearly three, she should be doing x / y / z by now...but by who's standards...certainly not hers! She needs more time to settle and I need time to get my head around the whole situation and relax...there is no rush - if we don't make some shows this summer because we're still concentrating on baby steps then so be it!

The weekend will be spent just regaining acceptance and working on trust...at liberty. I don't generally like working anything in a horses field as it's very much their space, but at the minute this is her comfort zone and I need 100% there before I can conceivably expect it anywhere else.