Wibbling

I've had a bad couple of days - just hit full force with grief over Safi, not sure why now in particular, but just feel floored with it.

It's also knocked my confidence thinking about the why's and what could I have done differently, then the whole guilt thing starts about getting on so well with Bailarina...how could I love having her so much yet still feel such heart wrenching pain over Safi...it all makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

Little B bless her got copiously wept over on Wednesday. I just chucked her halter and long line on and we went out for a long walk where I rabbited away to her like some mad old woman....then justified the tag completely by getting to a spot where I always used to have a lovely canter with Saf and just bawled my eyes out with my arms slung around B's neck. She sure has to put up with a lot, poor pony!
Managed to pull myself together and we actually had a really lovely time in the end, even ventured along the lane for a bit, went up the steep track and let Bally take the lead when she was feeling brave.

We did a bit more box practice yesterday with mixed results and looking back although we ended on a good note I could have ended on an ok note a lot earlier...so much for my good intentions about always pushing but not pushing too far.

I led her up to the box and she was up the ramp with only a little bit of gentle persuasion on my part, but she reached the top and backed straight off...ah, not what I intended.
So back up again, we stood and had a little chat about life in the box and then I slowly asked for her to start turning, step by step. Stopping if she tensed...down onto the ramp.....(all the while thinking OMG, OMG she's doing it!!!!!) but as soon as her back feet were on the ramp the wind rattled the roof of the box and in a panic at the noise she launched herself off.....Ooops

So back on again...Bally not particularly amused about it, but it only took about five minutes (considerably better than the hour it took before lol) We had some stroppy head tossing and mane waving and a lot of clattering and banging about it but up she went and taking me by surprise launched herself into the box taking the last bit to get on at speed this time...which of course caused the box to sway, which sent her into freaked orbit and accompanied by the thundering tap dancing Luso I left the box...again :-(

Took time out for five and just chatted to her her and stroked her till we had some mouthing and noticable relaxation...back again.

Once more Bailarina was generous enough to make her way up the ramp, and when I felt her shift her weight backwards to back off before she was on the box I took up the tension and she moved forwards again, which was brilliant ( I couldn't face much more up and down the blummin ramp myself!!) Once I got her on and she was able to stand calmly (tense yes, but not stressed) I gave her a few mouthfuls of feed and backed her off step by step, slowly and steadily.

I think I might forgo teaching her to turn and lead off forwards, she obviously isn't happy about it and as she can travel in whatever position she likes on the box depending on where I tie her or use the partition I'll stick with where she's happiest for the moment.
So next step is standing on for longer, then standing tied, then adding shutting the gates..then ramp...then starting the whole sequence again but with the engine on.
As I sort of semi joked to Pauline maybe by Christmas we might actually be able to drive somewhere! Ah well it'll take as long as it takes, I want her travelling happily and any amount of patience and effort is worth it.

PS I'm experiencing B being in season for the first time...goodness, what a mix of absolute tart and obnoxious stroppy teenage temper tantrum!! When I got to the field this morning she came over shaking her head at me, to which I sent her away using body language, so she promptly turned and chased Spud my dog across the field....then went over and screamed at Button- tail up & squirting (not what I want at 6am thank you very much!!) As she was being totally ignored she set off after poor Spud again, so got moved away again.
I got on with the pooh picking but could see her looking at me so I dropped my shoulder and hip and turned away to invite her in and she finally came over to say hello and have a cuddle.

She still had the raging hump though and after I left I watched her rag her hay around and then turn and gallop off through it!

Something I'll have to watch when she's ridden no doubt, some mares really do seem to suffer - sometimes I can totally sympathise!